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Hi, guys. I was absolutely air-conditioned in school. Haha. Um, abode party. That song about the milkshake? Ten fingers!

Katy Waldman is a Slate agents writer.

No, no, I was of advance not a bedrock brilliant as a child. To be air-conditioned at my cloistral clandestine academy in the D.C. suburbs basic rolling bottomward your checkerboard compatible brim and attached your blowzy ponytail aback with a beard ribbon. On weekends, it meant Lilly Pulitzer sheath dresses and Tiffany affection bracelets. It meant: I am affluent and not too afraid about it. It was the photonegative of annihilation akin absolute cool, and had I accomplished it aback again I am assertive I would currently abhorrence myself.

Still, I bethink continuing alfresco during a blaze drill, area the absolutism of the alphabet had ashore me in the average of a accumulation of air-conditioned kids whose aftermost names additionally began with W. They were talking about The OC. I had never seen The OC. They anticipation Summer was apparently the prettiest. I didn’t apperceive who that was. “My admired show,” I said nonchalantly, “is Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” As a Buffy-esque silence—the blackout of the crypt—descended, I fiddled with my skirt, which was not alike accurately formed down. “Anyone who watches Buffy is not my friend,” a babe assuredly announced. And I anticipation the anticipation that teenagers accept anticipation aback adolescent Lucy best up a stick and her accessory best up a bigger stick and all the added australopithici laughed: Why am I such a DORK?

I was in average academy then, but my acknowledgment to the abstraction of air-conditioned had amorphous years before. In sixth brand it was ’N Sync, apathetic dancing and coma parties. Third brand was ambrosial erasers and Tamagotchis. I don’t bethink what it was in kindergarten but I am abiding it was a huge freaking accord and my mom apparently broke my activity by bathrobe me in boy’s overalls and banishment me to watch Wishbone instead of buying it for me.

And yet—why should the following of air-conditioned alpha so early? If we ascertain air-conditioned as the abrogating amplitude about which floats all the actuality that is decidedly uncool, we are larboard with some solid concepts to avoid, like enthusiasm, neediness, artlessness, and dependency. Yet those appear to be ancestry we additionally accessory with kids. So how is it that, for so abounding people, our aboriginal apprenticeship in air-conditioned takes abode in the schoolyard? Why is it about absurd to untangle air-conditioned from childhood?

One accessible answer, of course, is that kids see themselves abundant abnormally from the way adults see kids. A ancestor bathrobe an 8-year-old in contemporary sneakers, Gap aphotic denim jacket, and shades

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